How Medium’s Algorithm Made Me A Top Writer And An Informant For The Fashion Police At The Same Time
Anyone who knows me knows I am the quintessential anti-fashionista.
Therefore, “How did Medium come to designate me a ‘Top writer’ in ‘Fashion’? asks the woman who occasionally sports a sky blue Minions t-shirt imprinted with those adorable yellow fellows singing the Bah Bah Bah Bah Banana Song, OUT IN PUBLIC, no less. Whaaaaa????
The other morning I glanced bleary-eyed over my steaming cup of sludge-mana at my profile header. I do that now and again just to make sure I’ve not missed any more glaring typos, like the one that lived on my page for an embarrassingly long time until Jules spared me by kindly drawing my attention to it.
Fortunately, I didn’t notice any new typos, but there was an additional something on the screen.
What? Another “Top Writer” award?
Rubbing my eyes to clear away any unwarranted delusions of grandeur (re-dun-daaaant, I know) I leaned in closer to the screen to see Medium had added moi (See? already, I’m putting on airs) as a “Top writer” in the category of “Fashion”. Fashion?
Is this a joke? Who’s at the helm over there at Medium headquarters? I mean, I know you’ve just let go of one third of your staff, but who’s programming the ship? Did you send the algorithm code writers out to walk the unemployment plank too?
There’s no easy way to break this to you Medium, so I’m just gonna say it. I’m about as fashion conscious as a turtle. Same shell, different day, know what I mean?
However, I do like to try and match the colors between my sox and my t-shirts, does that count?. And on occasion, I also like to use my body as a subversive billboard, taking great pleasure in wearing certain t-shirts in my collection to rub a person’s distress.
Yes, I said collection, all color organized and hung in a closet on hangers, no less. I know most people don’t give t-shirts hanger status, but keep your eyes on me, because apparently I’m a trendsetter!
I guess there is a certain panache to selecting just the right color t-shirt with just the right message to match your snarky mood, I’ll give you that. And watching some people’s faces contort in consternation as they try to understand the hand picked graphic is a bonus, especially when you’re living in a conservative (read: Bible belt) region of the country. This is a definite fashion plus for liberals like me.
Here’s one of my favorite fashion statements/t-shirts and I have it in not one color but two, white and green. In Trump’s New America I recommend making sure to match this selection with a nice pair of color coordinated running shoes, you know, for style and functionality.
Finally, I want to thank the Medium Staff for the additional plume in my chapeau (See? I did it again!) but I’m not sure I deserve it. When you get around to adding a tab and top writer category for t-shirt and jeans I’ll take my crown and septor, but until then let me just go on record and say, “I respectfully decline the honor, it’s just too much pressure for a lazy girl like me.”
S Lynn Knight, 2017